How well do we do, what we do, when doing others?

The stereotype is that men are responsible for the outcome of a sexual encounter. Either the woman has been pleased or the man has failed. Thus the chances of repeating said encounter, upon failure, plummet. This is why men have, throughout history, strived for wealth. One reason: to acquire women. Had the man succeeded, and done so with extraordinary proficiency, his prowess would not go unnoticed. This would peak the interest of the fairer sex and the man’s objective accomplished. If a man can gain the good graces of women without wealth, the strive for riches becomes that much less important. For the man without this ability, monetary prosperity becomes the prerequisite of his future sexual encounters. For women, much like dolphins, are attracted to shiny things.

The stereotype for women…is that men are responsible for the outcome of a sexual encounter. A woman can not, inherently, lack sexual expertise; therefore it must be the man, correct? With the hegemonic nature of men, to become a successful woman, in the struggle for equality, she will have to forgo the time required to develop said proficiency. Nor will she be willing to settle for a man that does not have the same aspirations. On the other hand, if a woman is to be proficient, she must practice. With all of this practice it can become exhausting and much of these women’s time is spent at bars and night clubs recovering from the stresses of their hard work. But alas, there will be men there with their monetary compensation, of beverages, to bridge this economic gap between the proficient and inexperienced women.

So what can we postulate from this? That perhaps sexual gratification is relative to economic status. Those without financial wealth must find other ways and means to achieve their objectives. Those with financial wealth are absolved of their inadequacies through proliferation.

This could explain why the CEO has got his 2.5 and Jose the janitor is working on number 7. Jose’s got skills!

It’s ok to be single on a day with a jingle

On this day of love
A shot from cupid above
My heart it did miss
While I hunched over mid piss
From the restroom I stumble
Words with women I fumble
But a glimpse of smile I see
Is this expression for me?
Exchanging pleasantries with drinks
Some nods, mostly winks
Conveying a message unsaid
However, clearly is read
Now we travel together
In the cold Chicago weather
Though the chill shall not last
What she clutches stands full mast

The beast that can not be slayed

Do we need this stressor? With countless, daily, opportunities to disappoint you; must you require another reason to reevaluate our incompetence and inability to appease the Cerberus that is your “Inner Romantic?” Sure we can get it drunk every once in a while and slip past but that only serves to strengthen the beast’s resolve upon recuperation.

We are ill equipped for this battle (some more then others) and Cerberus shows no weakness. Sure it says it made hints all year and we just don’t pay attention, but who can pick up the fact that; you liked the Louis Vitton purse that “Izze” had in that episode, you know the one before Isaiah Washington got all “T.R. Knight’s a fag” which is to homophobic that it’s got to be a sign that he’s what’s at the end of the rainbow and I wasn’t even in the room to see the damn purse so how the hell am I supposed to know Cheryl!

But I digress….

Cerberus….while I use this metaphor I do not pose it as an insult, simply a representation of the insurmountable obstacle that we feel we must overcome to get to your heart. After all, that is all that matters to us. That is all were trying to accomplish this Valentines Day. For you to find that special place in your heart will you’ll allow us to stay.

PS by “heart” I meant vagina

It’s [insert made up holiday name] day!

How about commercialism day? A day when people can get together and by stuff to show how little that they care buy all doing it simultaneously on the same day, wait, check it, we already have that Mexican kid’s birthday for that.

Valentines Day is an excuse to spend money in pursuit of returned affection which can quickly become an exercise in futility. For the males of the species we must play Sigmund Freud/Amerigo Vespucci on a quest to find that near miss gift that results in the subtle disappointment that can linger, if only long enough, until the next years gift usurps its throne. After all, much like the Highlander, with truly shitty, shitty, gifts…there can be only one.